


The Dirt on Andy Parker

by Next_Stop_Willoughby



Category: Red Panda Adventures (Podcast)
Genre: Ellen's name is now Eliah, I just wanted Andy to be in a bit more trouble than he turned out to be in the episode, Multi, Period-Typical Homophobia, The Syndicate - Freeform, This time the Syndicate really does have dirt on him, bisexual!Andy Parker, episode 42 The Boy in Blue, except not really because our people are good people, male!Ellen McCrae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25857265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Next_Stop_Willoughby/pseuds/Next_Stop_Willoughby
Summary: When Sam Ryan blackmailed Andy Parker into his ring of corrupt policemen, he made sure to have something good enough that the Constable couldn't go elsewhere for help. Andy Trusted the Red Panda and the Flying Squirrel, but he wasn't sure he could trust the daring duo with this secret.--AU to RPA42: The Boy in Blue. I've decided that Andy Parker is gay, because, for an audio drama in this day and age, DRT hasn't yet gotten with the program.(Also I thought the blackmail in this episode was a bit weak. "You'll turn dirty so I don't tell your girlfriend that her father turned dirty!" The logic doesn't hold. This is not to say that it's a bad episode, it isn't. I love it. But I also love fanfic and RPA deserves some so there).
Relationships: Andy Parker/Ellen McCrae
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	1. The Phone Call

**Author's Note:**

> I really like this episode (RPA42 The Boy in Blue). It has everything: Banter! Betrayal! Blackmail! I even like the resolution. Andy may just be my favorite and he doesn't deserve the life of a dirty cop.
> 
> On my most recent re-listen through the show, I viewed this ep through the lens of Andy blackmailed for homosexual activities, as opposed to what happens in the episode. I found it especially poignant as just four episodes earlier was RPA37 The Wave, where regular citizens were rising up in defense of public decency. The incident that the ep points out as "indecent" in the eyes of the people is a black man saying hello to some white women standing on a corner. That man consequently gets the sh*t beat out of him. I’d imagine that a gay man would get the same treatment. Thats amazing blackmail and a great way for the Syndicate to get their hands on the cleanest cop in the department.
> 
> Of course, Andy is actually Bi in this (I can't get rid of his crush on Squirrel, it's too cute) but it's the 1930s so the terminology is gonna be wrong, sorry.
> 
> (Contains some dialogue from the episode)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Red Panda and The Flying Squirrel discover Constable Andy Parker attending a meeting of corrupt cops. Andy considers his position and then discusses it with Eliah.
> 
> This one's got some Emotion to it.

It was chilly out that night, but Kit didn't care. She was out with the boss, and her _feelings_ were out with the boss, and it was always a little cold anyway. What resulted was a happy patrol that ended in a banter-filled stakeout. The dirty cops across the street did kinda sully the mood, but she could handle it.

Shadows flickered across the windows and Kit settled comfortably up next to the boss. This was nice. She stayed close and they rattled off the names of the dirty cops as they exited the meeting house, one by one.

"Well, well," she said "looky what we got. Lieutenant Sam Ryan. Looks like you were right about him."

"I always suspected as much," rumbled the boss, held next to her. Kit smirked.

"He's gotta be the head of this little sewin' circle. Maybe we should-"

He cut her off, "Looks like they're waiting for one more," and pointed to the empty doorway. The boss was right, some o' them were hangin back.

"You think Perone?"

"Or Carson...No... this one looks too young."

"At least this one's got the sense to try and hide his face a little. I can't get a good... Holey Moley!" In one moment, Kit's comfortable feelings dropped like a stone. She sat up out of the boss's grip to get a better look. It couldn't be... he would never!

But as he crossed the street, the young newcomer failed to hide his face, and the gig was up. Kit couldn't believe what she was seeing.

The boss sat forward next to her, suddenly just as alert. "It can't be..."

"I know it can't be... but it is, isn't it?" Kit wet her lips, it seemed that the easy banter of moments ago had disappeared entirely. "It's Constable Andy Parker!"

* * *

Ryan was waiting for him when he left the meeting.

Andy had thought that maybe, if he held back long enough, he could make the walk home all by himself. That for a moment he could pretend that this whole thing had never happened and walk the streets with some dignity, but no. They were waiting. 

Ryan was turned back with an expectant grin on his face, and that was all Andy could bear to see. He walked forward to join him, but he kept his head down. No hope of dignity then.

When he caught up, Ryan slapped him on the shoulder and left his hand there in an iron grip. "See Parker?" He said. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Andy walked in silence, and made a half-hearted attempt to remove Ryan's hand.

"Hey now Parker take it easy," Ryan said. "I won't keep you long yeah? I just wanted to take a moment to reassure you."

Surprised, Andy's head snapped up to look at Ryan. Something resembling an amalgam of 'huh?' a sigh escaped before he could bite it off.

"Yeah that's right Mr. Clean, reassure. I just wanted you to know," and Ryan's grin became maliciously patronizing, "I've kept your secret and, I expect to _continue_ keeping it." The hand on Andy's shoulder tightened. "As long as I get that file, of course."

Andy held eye contact for as long as his defiant nerve lasted. It wasn't very long, this was a trap he had been dreading his whole adult life, he was almost resigned to it at this point. He looked away. "Of course."

Ryan's grip lasted a moment longer, then released with one final 'friendly' slap for good measure. "Good man!" said Ryan. "I'll leave you to it then, I'm not sure I want to be around your sort near the privacy of home." He broke off from Andy with a laugh to join Blaine and Markham. They were probably headed to another bar. The night was still young after all, still time to have a good time if you knew where to look.

Andy walked home.

It was late enough to be dark, and not quite late enough for those out on the town to call it a night, so there were very few others walking. The tension in Andy's shoulders did not lessen. The further he walked the tighter his fists became. He wanted to be angry. He _needed_ to be angry. For this walk home he needed to pretend that he was outraged by the insinuation and that at any moment he would turn around and beat Ryan senseless. He needed that fantasy, because without it the tears of frustration would boil over before he reached the comfort of his home, and stories of Andy Parker crying his way home would just put another bullet in Ryan's gun. He would not help that madman.

Except he would. If Ryan said jump he would ask "how high?" because it wasn't just Andy's life that stood to be ruined here.

His steps ate up the pavement. He wasn't running, he was just in a hurry to get home that's all. Sometimes a man wants to be alone.

Andy almost let out a sob at the view of his front door, but he held it back. When that failed he morphed it into a cough. Andy had experience holding back public displays of emotion, but most of that experience involved deflecting until people saw something else. He wore his heart on his sleeve and he knew it. It was dangerous.

Andy slammed the door to his apartment and leaned back, shaky hands against solid wood. He sagged. It was safe here.

If some tears slipped out, there was no one to see them but himself.

* * *

The sound of the telephone brought Andy back to the real world.

Right, he had no time to mope, he needed all systems go to deal with this problem. He was okay, going to be okay.

Andy let out a shaky sigh and picked up the receiver. "Hello? Parker speaking." See? He could handle this interaction just fine.

"Andy? It's Eliah." O-oh he was not fine.

"Hey 'Liah." Oh but it would be nice to talk anyways. They needed to talk.

"Hey yourself. I tried to call you earlier." He sounded worried.

"I'm just this minute getting in. Sorry."

"..."

"Eliah?"

"You, you don't sound quite yourself Andy," he heard a deep inhale over the line, "I- that is- I thought that maybe-" Eliah cut himself off, he did that when he was avoiding what he really wanted to say. Andy smiled a bit, he had always loved that about Eliah.

Over the line came a deep exhale, and a falsely cheery voice picked up the conversation. "If you're sick I could whip up some chicken soup, just like my Ma makes, I swear it'll cure any blues _and_ if that fails, I'll have sissy make it instead. I could never cook as good as sissy."

"Don't be funny, your cooking's definitely at least on sissy's level, if not your Ma's." Andy chuckled. "And a homemade chicken soup would be-" he faltered, "would have been nice, and you know that nothing heals like your company, but I'm not sick."

"No?" Andy could feel the judgment through the line.

"No," he sighed. "No Eliah I'm just really tired I... I'm tired." Andy winced, now he was in for it, no way the 'I'm tired' trick would work on Eliah. There go any chances of assuaging worry.

"Tired huh?" A few seconds of dead air. Then the falsely cheery voice returned. "Well lucky for you I just popped a pie outta the oven. Fresh and hot, it's my best one yet I just know it. How bout I pop over and bring you a slice, hmm?"

"No!" Shit. Literally the worst reaction stupid stupid!

"Someone noticed didn't they?"

"Eliah I-"

"When was it? It couldn't have been too long ago you're a crap lier Andy." Eliah mumbled dates in thought. "I got it, this past Wednesday right? Couldn't have been earlier than Tuesday."

Andy opened and closed his mouth a few times, like a fish left to drown. Of course Eliah couldn't see that.

"Well?" His voice shook, just a little.

It didn't quite start the waterworks again, but Andy's voice shook with sympathy. "Eliah I don't know for sure, I think it was a lot of little things, but last Wednesday definitely didn't help I'm so sorry-" shaky breath in, "I'm sorry I don't know what to do, that _bastard_ Ryan he, he just, and I have to, or else he'll-" suck that air in Parker, breathe, "I'm sorry Eliah I wanted to handle this, I thought I could do this, but he kno-knows and he's seen you often enough and-and I think I might be being watched at night it's no-not safe for us to b-be seen together I don't know what they'll-"

"Andy, Andy gosh Andy take a breath," as if to demonstrate Eliah took a deep breath himself. "Gosh take two, we'll get a handle on this okay? You said you're being watched?"

Deep breath in, "Y-yeah."

"Okay. Okay, okay then I think your instincts were good. I shouldn't come over." Despite Andy's earlier reaction to the thought, the denial sent a pang through his chest. "I _want_ to come over," Eliah said, "this conversation _should_ be in person, but it will be better if I don't right? right." Another deep breath, this was the night of deep breaths. "You say he's seen me, should I be worried? No wait dumb question of course I should be. Do you think it's safe for me to work Andy?"

Public safety questions were always easier for him to answer. It felt professional. "I-yes. You should be fine to go to work. I'm sorry I'm like this, I've got it handled." Andy pinched the bridge of his nose. "I've got it handled. Ryan knows but it's not coming out, he's not going to tell, you don't have to worry."

"Andy," Eliah said, softly, like a breeze.

"It will be fine." Andy said.

"But is it worth it? I need you to make sure Andy, because we are in the early game now, no one's done anything yet," Eliah paused, "you haven't done anything, right Andy?"

"I haven't done anything-"

"Yet."

"-Yet."

Eliah let out a sigh. "Okay, no one's done anything yet and before you do I need you to promise me that it's worth it. I know how these things work, don't get yourself in deeper than you already are. I need you to promise me you won't Andy. We can get through this, either way, just promise that you make the decision you can live with." 

Andy didn't know what he did to deserve Eliah. He was so sweet, worried about Andy when he should be worried about himself. Before this conversation Andy hadn't been sure. He hadn't known what to do he was in such a panic, but now?

All Andy knew was that he couldn't let Eliah get hurt.

"I promise Eliah, it's worth it."

* * *

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

_"Be safe"_

_*click*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this I plan for Andy to be much more stoic. His discussion with Eliah has brought clarity and focus and he won't stray now that he has someone to protect.
> 
> If Andy were thinking straight he would probably realize that he has some options here, but the Wave like, just happened, and I gave male!Ellen a Jewish name which means he's a gay Jew in proto WWII Canada. IDK if Canada was as bad as America back then, but I'm assuming that Eliah's status would cause him some issues. So Andy panics. Just a little.


	2. The Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The terrific twosome and Agent 51 have a chat.

It was a beautiful morning. Kit didn't get to see the sunrise like this too often, what with their late nights, she and the boss tended to sleep through the early hours of the day. The city looked different, well lit from above. She watched as a cabbie dropped off a well-dressed man who scrambled away immediately, scattering pigeons as he went. Kit checked her watch.

The Boss was late.

A horn blared three blocks over, near the precinct. During their usual hours that would be enough to call them over. Kit strained against the instinct to snap her gliders and investigate. Her fists clenched painfully.

"Ugh!" Kit tore herself away and paced back from the edge of the building. 

The sun obscured her vision and there was something almost sweet-smelling in the breeze. Even the pigeons had chosen today to learn how to sing. It was like the city was conspiring against Kit's bad mood.

She just couldn't believe it. Straight-laced, honorable to a fault Constable Parker, a dirty cop! How long had this been going on? Had they been wrong about him from the beginning? Kit considered herself a good judge of character, but after this revelation she wasn't sure how much she could trust any of the Agents. 

The worst of it was that Kit liked Andy. She thought he was a good guy. A little obvious about his crushes, sure, but he was never pushy about it. He was sweet and he believed in the Flying Squirrel just as much as he believed in the Red Panda. 

Kit shook out her hands and made an effort to calm her breathing. In the alley below she could hear footsteps, signaling that the boss and Andy were en-route. From her vantage point Kit could see they had also acquired a tail. 

Last minute jitters shook out, Kit settled into one of her more intimidating poses.

There would be an explanation, this had to all be one big misunderstanding. He could be undercover, working with O'Mally. Maybe Andy just hadn't been able to slip away to see Spiro, sometimes people just lose track of time. Even she had done so before. They would laugh about this after it was all over.

Kit let the expectation of that laugh settle as a smirk on her face, but her eyes remained steely. With a clang, the hook of a grapple gun snaged on the edge of the roof.

She would get to the bottom of this and the wrong-doers would be brought to justice.

The Flying Squirrel swears it!

The Red Panda's gloved hand was the first thing to appear over the edge of the roof. He made sure to keep a firm grip. His other hand was currently occupied with carrying Constable Parker who, to his credit, was holding on with a death grip: proper side-along grapple procedure.

Unfortunately, the Red Panda was rather annoyed at Parker at the moment, and wasn't sure he would be entirely upset if he happened to fall a few levels.

He grunted with the exertion of pulling them both onto the roof, then promptly deposited him at the Squirrel's feet, not bothering to be gentle.

Parker looked surprised by that. He had been perfectly compliant on the way over, he in no way suspected that they suspected that he had gone dirty. The Red Panda still wasn't sure if that was a point in Parker's favor.

"The Flying Squirrel!" Exclaimed Parker.

He always found it strange when people were surprised to see Kit after he arrived. They'd been at this for awhile now, he thought that it would be assumed that they were a package deal.

"Hello boys," she said. "Are we speaking again?"

"We're not sure yet. Do you have my things?" asked the Red Panda. His tone was flippant, but his eyes were sharp. He saw how Parker had flinched at Kit's insinuation. He had seen how Parker had attempted to cover it up.

The Red Panda turned toward Kit expectantly.

"Your mask and goodies are over by the skylight," Kit tilted her head towards it.

"Hmm, I trust you can handle yourself for the moment?"

"Don't you worry your silly little head, sugar; I'll be fine."

The Red Panda nodded and strode over to his things. This was part of the plan; they both knew that he was the more intimidating of the two, at least when they weren't trying to be intimidating, and they both remembered Parker's crush on the Squirrel. They needed Parker to talk, and though he could rip the answers from Parker’s mind... well, he preferred confessions in the perpetrator's own words, and Parker had been a model agent up until this transgression.

Conversation floated over.

"Miss Squirrel… what's going on here?" Parker asked.

"Well Andy, that's quite the coincidence, I was about to ask you the same thing!"

The Panda pulled his mask on over the face-changing makeup and jammed on his hat.

"W-what?"

He glanced over to see Kit giving Parker the stare down. Parker still wasn't fully on his feet; he was in a low crouch, one hand on the ground for support and the other out for balance.

The Panda removed the outer layer of his disguise and pulled on his overcoat.

Andy Parker and the Flying Squirrel waged a silent battle of wills. As was usual, Kit won.

"Miss Squirrel, I don't know wha—"

"Constable Andrew Parker!" Kit barked. "Otherwise known as Andy, or more exclusively, Agent 51, I am giving you one more chance to come clean with us before we start asking some hard questions, questions I'm sure you don't want to hear."

The Panda tugged his gauntlets into place and kneeled down to stow away his civilian disguise. This also had the effect of completely obscuring him from Parker's line of sight.

Kit's relatively gentle interrogation was a testament to Parker's years of service, but the Panda could tell that her patience was running thin. Once it ran out it would be his turn, which required misdirection and the few shadows available on a Toronto rooftop at 9 AM. He began to sneak round to the other side.

Parker, fully on his feet now, took a deep breath, stealing himself against what he must, at this point, know was coming, and looked Kit straight in the milky-white eyes of her mask. 

"Miss Squirrel, I think you better ask those questions."

Kit gasped. "Andy! What're you doing?"

"Just what you said Miss Squirrel. I don't know what you think you know, so I'll answer the questions I'm asked instead of those that are just implied, if you don't mind."

Kit sputtered and the Red Panda was just as surprised. They both recognized that answer for what it was: Andy Parker knew that he was in deep, he was hiding information from them, and he was planning on keeping as much of it hidden away as he could. The betrayal stung, the politeness with which it was delivered did little to soften the blow.

"Alright, Parker, have it your way." Kit surged up into Parker's personal space and grabbed him by the collar. "Last night you were seen at Ol' Ricky's pub in the company of several other officers.”

"Can't a guy go out for a drink with his colleagues?" Parker's face remained stony, but his knees betrayed his anxiety.

"I didn't know you held these officers in such high regard" Kit drawled.

"Well, it's been a long week," said Parker, "and you don't exactly have to like a group to grab a beer with them."

"In fact," continued Kit, as if she hadn't heard him at all, "I have known you to, on more than one occasion, express your complete derision of those. Specific. Officers."

"I'm afraid I had more last night than I meant to, Miss Squirrel. Hard to put names to faces."

"O-ho-Ho! Then I'll just have to jog your memory," said Kit. "Last night you hung with a lotta cops I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw them, but specifically you were pretty familiar with Sargents Blaine and Markham," Parker remained stoic, "and the most buddy-buddy with one Lieutenant Sam Ryan."

Parker flinched back, but was still trapped in Kit's steady grip.

"Now, Mr. Parker, d'ya mind telling me exactly what you were doing palling around with the dirtiest cop in Toronto?"

Parker sucked in a shaky breath, eyes wide, and held it for an eternal moment. The hubbub of the streets seemed to quiet in solidarity.

"It's like I told you before Miss Squirrel, it's been a hard week."

"Enough of this," said the Red Panda, throwing his voice to as many shadows as he could find.

Parker jumped and twisted to where he had last seen the Masked Mystery Man, as if only just noticing his disappearance. Kit shoved Parker free of her grip and he stumbled back.

"We all know where you were last night, Andy Parker," said the Red Panda, hypnosis echoing his voice. "We know where you were and who you were with, we even know that the only reason you would be attending that meeting is that you've gone dirty yourself." Parker shook his head but said nothing to his defense. "What's worse, Andy Parker, is that you continue to lie to us about your reasons for attending with the full knowledge that I can rip those answers from your mind myself!"

"No!" cried Parker. For the first time today, his face showed fear.

"Yes, for my mind-"

"N-n-n-no wa-ai-ait!" Parker struggled against the hypnosis. It was a side effect of his status as an agent, he had enough exposure to hypnosis to be just a tad resistant to its effects. Normally the Red Panda would, as a master hypnotist, push right past such resistance and be done with it, but he was curious.

"Yes, Parker?" he said, voice sharp. "I should wait for more lies to fly in the face of your years of service? What could you possibly have to say to clear your good name?"

"Bl-blackmail." Parker held eye contact, dangerous for a man trying to avoid hypnosis. "I… I didn't want to go, I don't want anything to do with them, please don't—" he cut himself off, but his plea echoed in his eyes, along with the fear that they wouldn't be heard. "Let me tell it myself."

The Red Panda's mask did not yield, but he reigned in his powers.

Parker just stood there, panting. The fear hadn't left his face.

"Well, Parker? I'm waiting."

Parker's chest rose with a sharp inhale and his furious nodding broke his eye contact. His entire body shifted, shoulders curled inwards and turned aside, so that he was partially shielded from the Red Panda's gaze. This had the adverse effect of opening Parker up to Kit should she find need to attack, but she looked calm enough at the moment.

"Right," said Parker, running a hand through his hair. "Right. I—blackmail, I don't know why I thought I could keep this quiet." Parker licked his lips nervously. "Would it surprise you to know that I never considered that you'd be an issue? Um…" Parker trailed off.

This was ridiculous. He had given Parker more than enough chances to defend himself, even agreed to holding off on a hypnotic interrogation, and still Parker wouldn't talk. The Red Panda's anger growled in his chest and he prepared to start with the hypnosis again.

Kit cut him off with a look.

"Andy," she said carefully, "this doesn't exactly look good for you, sweet-pea, so either you're gonna start from the beginning right now or the boss is gonna go at it." She jerked her head in the Red Panda's direction.

Parker shot him a wary glance. The longer he looked the harder Parker’s hands shook.

“Last Wednesday,” Parker said, “Lieutenant Ryan caught me in a… compromising position.” He ran a hand over his face. “Ryan’s as dirty as they come, I swear. Even Chief O' Mally suspects. He’s practically persona non grata in the department. So he doesn’t have access to the files that I do.” 

“So, you are going to procure the files for him?” Demanded the Red Panda. “You would betray your duty to the people to spare yourself from a modicum of embarrassment!?”

Parker’s glare intensified. “Embarrassment!” He took an aggressive step forward. “Now you see here, Red Panda! Just because we don’t run around in masks doesn’t mean us normal people don’t have secrets we would defend with our lives! The only difference is, unlike you, we don’t have the benefit of superpower mind-wipes or hypnosis or whatever.  _ We _ don’t get the luxury of a do-over if we let something slip, we have to deal with the consequences of our ‘indiscretions’.” Parker took a sharp, angry, breath in. His nose flared like a bull on the exhale. “Ryan wants me to get him a copy of the file that the crown attorney's office is preparing against the leaders of The Syndicate. I know what it would mean if The Syndicate got their hands on that file. I’ve been stalling.”

The Syndicate! This was bigger than just some dirty cop recruitment drive. “Stalling implies that eventually you intend to go through with it,” said the Red Panda.

“And what about the fallout if I don’t?”

“Yeah,” drawled Squirrel, “what about the fallout?” She had a look on her face that the Red Panda found to be incongruous to the matter they were discussing. She smirked, first in his direction, then at Parker. “We had a talk with ol’ Spiro, Andy. He updated us on your movements and assignments, told us you’d missed a check in or two, but do you know the most important thing he’s noticed in the past weeks?”

The Red Panda had no clue what Kit was talking about. From the looks of Parker, he didn’t either.

“Uhh-”

“C’mon boss, you remember. Spiro told us that Andy’d been happier than he’d ever seen him. He was buying new suits, coming in with a fancy new cologne, hmm?”

He still didn’t know what Kit was on about, but this time a glance to Parker showed that he’d caught on, and the look on his face showed that she was on the right track.

“I’m listening,” said the Red Panda.

Kit threw her hands in the air. “Well I’ll be—great detective my backside! You’re lucky you’re cute you know.”

The Red Panda sputtered. Kit smirked back at him.

“If you put the evidence together, it all leads to one thing.” Kit paused, presumably for dramatic effect. Parker looked like he was considering jumping off the building. “Andy Parker’s found himself a lady friend,” Kit said with a smirk, “and that lady’s got him in trou-ble~”

“I—” Parker stood, gobsmacked.

The Red Panda considered this. 

What the Squirrel said made sense. The new attitude and fancy expenditures were right in line with Parker having some new beu, but what about that was worthy of a level of blackmail that would have one of his most trusted agents ready to spit in the face of their sacred oath? An affair? Parker wasn’t married so that was out, unless…

“Andy Parker! Are you having an affair with a married woman?” he exclaimed, in a friendlier sort of chiding tone. 

Parker’s jaw dropped practically to the floor and he sputtered. “A married—I didn—who do you take me for!”

Behind Parker, the Flying Squirrel chuckled. “Oh come now, Andy, there’s no use hiding it. You’ve just about signed a confession with that look on your face. I’m dying to know, what’s her name?”

“Yes, hmhmm” coughed The Red Panda, “I too am interested in learning more about this woman and why you think her affections are worth both your career and your good standing amongst my irregulars.”

“I… well you see—thing is I didn’t think—”

“Her  _ name,  _ Parker”

“Hi- _her name,_ ” Parker swallowed, “is… El…len. Ellen.”

“Ellen,” deadpanned The Red Panda. “Does she have a last name? An occupation perhaps?”

“Yes, she has a last name,” Parker snapped, “but that’s something that you’re not getting out of me, Red Panda. Do you think I’m the type of man to compromise my own morals out of vanity?”

_ Well,  _ thought The Red Panda,  _ why else would we be here? _

He did not succeed in suppressing the thought from running free-range over his face.

“Ah, Boss!” cried The Flying Squirrel. “Y’know, just when I think I’m breaking through that rough exterior of yours it pops right back out again.” She paused and took a moment to be sure that she had The Red Panda’s full attention. “Our Andy over here is a good man, and no mere threat of embarrassment like this can make him go turncoat, y’see? But if that threat included letting the city at large know about  _ Ms. Ellen’s _ indiscretions, now that’s a different story.”

“Ah, I think I’m beginning to see the picture,” said The Red Panda. “Things like that have been known to ruin young women’s lives, yes?”

The Squirrel nodded. 

Parker’s affirmation could be seen in his posture. He was tenser than he had any right being, and his fists were clenched at his sides. His face was decidedly grim.

“Well then, Constable Parker,” said The Red Panda, “it seems that you care very much for this woman, yes?”

Parker nodded.

The Red Panda’s tone sharpened. “Then I think we can all agree that it would be best if you broke it off.”

“Boss!”

“No Squirrel, all stories of true love aside, this woman has already promised herself to another man, and Constable Parker is doing her no favors by humoring her flights of fancy.” With every word that The Red Panda spoke, Parker’s face gained more indignation. “What’s worse is that they’ve been careless enough to be seen by someone who can use this relationship as leverage against both the Constable  _ and  _ our fight against The Syndicate. The best thing to do is to stop prancing around like children. Once it’s over Ryan will have nothing on you and this whole-”

“He’s got more than just hearsey  _ Red Panda _ ,” spat Parker.

The Red Panda started at the level of Parker’s emotion. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that The Flying Squirrel was just as surprised.

“What do you take me for, a fool?” Continued Parker. “I wouldn’t just heel to Ryan’s beck and call if I could make this go away after one breakup. Even if we broke it off now, he still has the evidence that it happened, and the rumors alone could break me just as fast as they could break Eli- _ Ellen. _ ” 

Parker took a deep breath and seemed to center himself. “Listen,” he said, “I don’t want to give in, I don’t want to do as he asks, but as it stands I don’t have a choice. So, either you are going to give me a better option,” Parker’s voice wavered, “or we are going to be on different sides of this conflict.”

“Wha— Andy! You can’t mean that!”

“I think he really does, Squirrel,” mused the Red Panda. Putting this recent drama aside, Parker was a good Agent, one of the best, he understood how much this whole operation relied on loyalty and trust. When he had swore his oath, Andy had believed that nothing could compromise his loyalty. The determination in his eyes now showed that that had changed, but that didn’t stop Parker from being as open and as honest about this change as he could be. “Constable Parker…”

Parker squared his shoulders and met the Red Panda’s gazed head on, Good man.

“I can see that we are in quite a pickle here. You obviously feel very strongly for this woman, yet we cannot allow the Syndicate to learn just how much we know about them. Luckily, I think I may have found a solution.”

“Yeah Boss? And what would that be?” asked Squirrel. “‘Cuz, I gotta be honest here, this roller coaster of emotions has got me beat. I would like to get off the ride of betrayal soon, pretty please.”

Parker looked as if he were going to object to the betrayal remark, but had the dignity to keep his mouth shut.

“Well Squirrel,” said the Red Panda, “I’ve given some thought to what Constable Parker here said earlier about how my hypnosis gives me the ability to perform ‘superpower mind-wipes’ and provides me an advantage when it comes to secret keeping.” The Red Panda smirked in the Flying Squirrel’s direction.

“Of course!” said Squirrel. “Now that we know exactly what Ryan’s got over Andy, you can just pull it right out of his head easy-peasy. One quick ‘~ _my mind is in your mind~_ ’ from you and he won’t remember enough details to blackmail a church mouse! Whaddya say Andy, sound good to you?”

Parker seemed to be in a state of shock. “Just like that?” He whispered, his eyes unfocused. “All this? You’d do that for me?”

“‘Course we would, sweetums. Least we could do for such a good agent, right Boss?”

“Ahem,” the Red Panda scoffed, “well, the least we could do to preserve the sanctity of our network while also keeping valuable intelligence out of enemy hands, yes.”

Parker still looked gobsmacked.

“Alrighty then, that’s everything all cleaned up! Andy, you better be getting off to work now,” said the Flying Squirrel.

“Work?” Muttered Parker, who then startled. “Oh gosh, I still have a job! I’m late!” He rushed over to the edge of the roof and then stalled again, looking queasily at the drop.

“Come along then Parker,” said the Red Panda, “I’ll escort you back to street level.”

\--

“Oh, one last thing Constable. In order to make this work, I am going to need to know  _ everything _ that I need to erase. We’ll be by tonight so that I can get the details.”

“...Right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, if you're out there and reading this, pls leave a comment so that I can know that there is more than one person on the internet who knows what The Red Panda is.
> 
> I know that this chapter is a bit of a cop out, the next one will involve another phone call and the secret actually getting out, and all of fallout implied therein.


End file.
